There is so much I have wanted to say lately but when I try to type it out, I get stuck. I want to talk about Laine and I want to share all about our summer. I'll get there. Eventually. But tonight I'm overwhelmed and I am ready to share why.
Raising kids is hard; it's tiring, it's trying, and my goodness is it frustrating! Yes, it is beyond rewarding, but sometimes the tough stuff starts to get the best of me. As I was brushing Conor's teeth tonight, fighting to get him to let me get to the back teeth, I realized that it was possible that it would ALWAYS be like this. I think that parents are able to get through most challenges because they know that the struggle is temporary. The fight won't last. Eventually kids get there. They learn, they understand, and they do.
Eventually isn't a guarantee with Fragile X though. It is possible that I will always have to pin Conor down in order to brush his molars. He's 30 pounds right now and it is tough. What happens when he is 100 pounds? Or 200 pounds?
Some nights my strength is not there. I scream at Conor while he screams at me and I lie in bed afterwards and cry about it never getting any better. Some nights I don't even try and I guess that is probably worse.
We have come a long way though. Conor likes when we get the toothbrush out. He likes holding it and "wiggling" it in his mouth. It's not proper brushing though so I have to keep working at it and I have to keep pushing him. Getting him to understand that I'm helping him? It is not easy. Taking him to the dentist? It is not easy.
But none of it really is, I guess. Parenting is hard whether you are dealing with Fragile X or not. With every new challenge I have to keep hoping that we can get there. Eventually.